Tagged: Ballparks

South Side Soiree

Cubs are in Houston, so I ventured down to the South Side tonight to watch the WhiteSox/O’s.  I got an SRO(standing room only) ticket, but that’s the way to go at Comiskey(i refuse to call it ‘the Cell’).  It’s much more user-friendly than Wrigley Field.   Currently I’m perched with my feet up on the wall just behind the shrubberies in Center Field.  I have a beer on the table right next to me, and I got a wireless connection.  Noice.  Later, I’ll venture down to the bullpen bar where you can watch the opposing team’s pitchers warm up through plexiglass. 

Garland had a no-no through 3 1/3 IP, and Fahey just broke it up with a double.

I am researching a piece that will bring to life the lameness of the Cubs’ coaching staff.   Check out my last piece at www.spikesballparks.com

Peace, E Maj

e-maj@spikesballparks.com

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Update

Yo–

Back from a 2 day respite in Traverse City, where I got to play on the beach w/my 2 yr-old girl.  Priceless.  Much needed after talking to lawyers all week regarding my bookstore interest.

Now I gotz to play a little ketchup and bust out the Mariotti article for www.spikesballparks.com .  Oh, did I mention the Whitesox are on the North Side.  Ha.  I’m hopping up to the stadium right now to talk w/Cubs nation.  Mucho content to follow. 

As always, thanks for tuning in.

Peace, E Maj

e-maj@spikesballparks.com

Real American BB Heckler Heroes

the staff thought we’d take a funny crack at those funny Bud Light commercials, where they sing ~Real American Heroes~ and then sarcastically glorify people such as ‘Guy who wears too much cologne’ Guy….Here is the BB Heckler’s List of Ballpark "Real American Heroes"

1)Mr. ‘Call Someone on My Cell Phone When the Camera’s On Me’ Guy: We are no longer amazed at the technology that allows you to say you are waving at us, and your need for confirmation that you are watching the game, says to us that you don’t know if you yourself exist.  1-800-THERAPY…our gift to you…

2)Mr. ‘Thunderstick‘ Guy:  Proof positive that if you hand somebody something for free, they will put it to use.  Actually thinks he has an effect on the hitter/pitcher.

3)Ms. ‘Book Reading’ Gal: Brought along a Candace Bushnell novel to pass the time.  Thinks a ‘cup’ is something the beer is served in.

4)Mr ‘Peanut Thrower Vendor’ Guy: Uncanny ability to toss bags of peanuts down the aisle accurately.  Thinks he will get a bigger tip if he does it behind the back.

5)Mr ‘Scorecard Keepin’ Pitch Chartin’ ‘ Guy: (BB Heckler: Hey, wait a minute, I’m that Guy…No Fair), What exactly do you do with these when the game is over?  And further, why don’t people do the same at football or basketball games?  (OuchHmmm.  What exactly DO I do w/them after the game?)

6)Mr.’I Have To Say Something In Between Every Pitch Even Though I Have No Idea What I’m Talking About’ Guy:  Lets you know he started for his Varsity High School Baseball Team.  Doesn’t let you know they went 0-18.  Surrounds himself w/4 drunken sots w/Baseball I.Q.’s of 75, so his Baseball I.Q. of 89, to them, makes him look like a Baseball Yoda, and our whole section suffers.

7)Mr. ‘Radar Gun Must Be Wrong’ Guy: Tries to guess the pitch speed based on the Radar gun, is off by 12 MPH, and blames the Radar Gun as faulty.

8)Mr. ‘I Grabbed the Beach Ball in the Stands and Popped It’ Guy:  As the poster boy for why people should use prophylactics, you have never had a happy day in your life and seek only to deprive others of innocent harmless fun.  Then again, you ARE the de facto expert on how to Stick It to Inflatable Plastic, since that’s your main activity when at home.

8)Mr ‘Fat Shirtless Tanner’ Guy:  We champion the cause of Inner Beauty, we defend to the death that Pigs are People too, and then you chump us out and get into this Vanity Tanning movement.  What’s next, a tanning salon?  It’s also not lost on us that we liberally accept your Love of all things food, we support the conscious choice of that 7th Hot Dog.  ‘I am, therefore I eat.’  We like to eat at the ballpark too, just not as an Olympic Sport.  Our main beef(pun intended) is that you do not afford us the same right.  When you remove your shirt, our appetites spontaneously combust, and we’re left with years of expensive counseling for a little-known malady called "Post-Traumatic Optical BackFat Disorder".

9)Mr. ‘OmniPotent Hands Waving for Everyone to GetUp’ Guy:  There’s 2 outs 2 strikes in the 9th, and our hometown Closer is ready to close out a big 5-2 win vs. our main rival…The sidewalk psychology expert you are, hip to the power of positive thought(sarc.), and given your unique skill for getting 40,000 people to get up and cheer on YOUR AND ONLY YOUR CUE(double sarc.), you Get Up and wave your arms, with a look of disgust saying "COME ON! LET’S GO!"  as you implore people to get up and do the same….hilarious….some of your clairvoyance was also ably demonstrated on the ride home, when you correctly predicted to other riders that the Traffic Light would turn Green shortly after it was Red

P.S.  Happy New Year to ALL!!  Chex Mix to all Y’all.  Tip a few back, and be safe, and I’ll see you next year.  Remember, Tomorrow is promised to No One, so enjoy yourself.

Peace, E Maj

ericm1@nase.org